It was some time ago that I noticed and took very seriously that there was a pattern to what my teenage patients were reporting to me regarding stress. They would talk about feeling that they could not live up to what they thought they should look like and then tell me how they coped with the feelings being triggered.
The end results were often an eating disorder and/or severe body image distortion.
As time went on I realized that a tyrant had landed in their brains. And after further thought, I realized that this same part of the brain if not understood will continue to affect the minds and bodies of women and men of all ages. A tyrant that accepted only perfection.
Startlingly I am working with younger and younger children who are suffering from the beginning and on-set of an eating disorder. My professional experience is that parents often believe and/or hope that their child will grow out of these symptoms and behaviors and that the problems will go away on their own. It is important to know that in most families an eating disorder is a gradual shift in behaviors. There is a gray area of distinction between the time of on-set and a full-blown disorder. These behaviors may include dieting, emotional and compulsive eating, even though they may have just had a snack or meal, bulimia, anorexia, and many combinations in between. Because a youngster’s brain and body are still developing, food trends can severely affect future healthy growth. Puberty is a vulnerable period. The body is changing, different, and often uncomfortable. On a good day, it is difficult to navigate through these changes. Vulnerabilities include feeling not thin enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. This is most confusing. Now is when a parent must take seriously what he or she feels is “out of whack”. Parents can help by first assessing what they are noticing and what they are communicating directly to their children about their own bodies and habits. What are your position and values on thinness, and achievement? What were some of the messages you received when growing up? Parents may be unwittingly communicating how important body image, achievement, etc. are to the family.
The trend of late is to eat on the run. Kids are inundated with after-school activities, sports, and social activities making it virtually impossible to eat together as a family. The actuality is a meal together may be the only time of day when everyone sees one another at the same time.
Parents need to be mindful of factors that may contribute to an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Genetic predisposition or vulnerable personality types such as perfectionism, OCD and pre-puberty hormonal activity, major life changes, social pressure, and excessive competition are but a few of the underlying issues.
Being a parent is not for the faint-hearted. It is difficult at best to not blame yourself for what your child is going through. You might think about:
- Family meal either breakfast or dinner at least 2 times a week.
- Check in regarding your own issues around food and body.
- Check in about how your child is feeling about themselves.
- Check in about how comfortable your child is with food choices and body image.
- The impact of an early menstrual cycle on your child’s body comfort
- Remember that if a child is on a prescribed stimulant that may be affecting their appetite. Keep a watchful eye if they are eating enough.
- Monitor as best you can social media messages.
If you are concerned or worried about any of the above for your child, get in touch, and let’s talk about it.